Feel Right
by Theotherhalfofdarkness
Summary: Parental!RoyxEd When Roy and Ed are sent on a mission and get kidnapped it's up to them to save each other from the world, their friends, and themselves. Sometimes saving oneself means to abandon that which one knows and find a new definition for family. Featuring Hurt!Ed and extremelyoverprotective!Roy. Torture in the beginning but it gets way fluffier as the story goes. OOC
1. Chapter 1

It didn't take long for the pain to fade for him. He was already well adjusted to pain and this was nothing new to him. What did take a while to adjust too was seeing pain in others. More specifically, pain in Edward. The days were long and full of screams of pain, both emotional and physical. They tore into Ed like rain tears into the earth as it falls. There was nothing either of them could do to stop it. They never injured him enough to kill him or even leave any permanent damage, but that seemed more torturous than anything else.

Roy didn't know what these people wanted from them. If it was anything other than their continued suffering that was. At night they were given barely and food and drink and locked in a cold damp cell together with some scratchy pieces of cloth that barely passed as blankets. Most nights Roy would give Ed his food, if the boy was out enough to accept it. On the days the kid was still together enough to be aware of Roy's actions he would protest and make Roy eat too. At night it got so cold that they would huddle together in a corner, both blankets wrapped around them, trying to share warmth.

In the first month they had hope that the military would find them. They had been out on a mission; they would be noticed if they were absent for too long. The mission had been to explore a small town with reports of terroristic alchemists though. Such a small town had no real way of communicating to central without a day's trip to the next village. It could have been a month or two until they were noticed absent for a long period of time, at the most. But Roy had kept track of time as best he could and knew at least four months had passed. Four months of senseless violence. Would they ever get out at this rate? Would anyone even come to help them?

The worst part was watching Fullmetal break. The first month hadn't been too bad in hindsight. Bruises and bloody noses galore, but nothing that bad. The second month was worse but still nothing. Bruises and bloody noses on Fullmetal while Roy had to watch. Starvation and the beginning of the colder season. They never questioned them for information or anything, just did the beatings and left. It was worse than torture for information, because this torture didn't promise an end for them until they were both dead.

By the third month things became bad, fast. Fullmetal had been holding up well, taunting the guards and trying to motivate the rapidly despairing Roy Mustang. Even trying to find a way out, even though he had only one arm. Their kidnappers had taken Fullmetal's automail arm to prevent him from transmuting. Fullmetal had been the real strength in their unlikely duo.

Not anymore. How he wished the kidnappers had thrown the automail away.

They had figured out how to reattach automail and disconnect it again. Nerves attaching and tearing apart again. They did this to Edward, over and over again. When he passed out they'd wait until he woke up and then do it over again. It was impossible for Mustang to watch, he felt sick when they did it even today. Edward couldn't handle it either, he began breaking right down the middle. The shell of the confident alchemist broken to reveal the form of a child. A child who lost everything and was slowly losing themselves too.

It was the mental trauma that was the worst. It started in nightmares. Edward would wake up hysterical, crying his eyes out. The first time it happened Roy had backed up instinctively, unsure of what to do. Ed had taken the blanket and pulled it to his chest as he curled into a small ball, sobbing. Recognizing what Ed needed right then Roy had slowly approached again and laid a hand on Ed's shoulder. The reaction was instantaneous. The boy latched onto Roy and buried his head in Roy's chest, seeking comfort. Roy somehow, he still didn't know, managed to provide that comfort and lull Ed back to sleep.

After that the nightmares became a part of their routine in their confinement. Sleeping, crying, screaming, comforting, sleeping, waking. It wasn't much, nor was it enough; but it was all they had. It slowed Ed's descent, but Roy still watched it occur.

The next thing he noticed was Ed's automail. The leg they left attached while Ed stayed in the cell, having only confiscated his arm. Ed began scratching at the seam between metal and human. At first it was like he had a persistent itch in his leg, Roy didn't mind it. Later though he noticed Ed seemed to always be scratching at it. When he asked Ed proclaimed that he didn't even notice he was doing it. Not ten minutes later though he'd be back at it again.

It wasn't until night about a week after this behavior started that Roy understood. Opening his eyes Roy saw Ed sitting up, back against the wall. Ed was scratching at his leg again. "Take it off," he muttered under his breath. "Take it off, take it off, take it off. It hurts, take it off. I don't want it anymore, take it off."

Roy sat up, startling Ed into ceasing his scratching. "Does it hurt?" Roy asked gently. He always spoke gently to Ed now. Recently he had become like a gazelle, startling at every little thing. Given the harshness the boy faced day in and day out, Roy could understand the fear of anything harsher than a spoken word.

"It doesn't feel right," Ed said. "My arm hurts, but my leg feels wrong. I think they took my leg and replaced it with a broken one."

Roy pulled the blankets aside fully and began examining Ed's leg to be sure. He remembered early on in their captivity Ed had received a scar on the automail from the knife of one brutish man. Sure enough the scar was still there, this was Ed's leg. Looking at Ed's eyes Roy stopped himself from confirming about Ed's leg. The wide eyed look in Ed's face was practically begging him to say no. To say it was the wrong leg. Roy knew that if Ed was thinking clearly he'd know this was his leg the very same way Roy could tell. But Ed wasn't thinking clearly, didn't want to think clearly.

"I don't think it's yours either, kiddo." The look of joy on Ed's face at those words nearly brought tears to Roy's eyes. It was around that moment, not when he's being tortured, that Roy realized how much of a child Ed was. This child was forced to join the military, give up everything he had, lose his childhood. All this and Roy had been leaning on him.

Never again, Roy promised silently. As he coaxed Ed to lay down again, Roy made himself a promise to Ed. He'd be there for the kid, through this and then back at Central. He'd keep this child safe, and even make this child happy if he can. Because no one deserves this, no one.

Now he just had to make it out of here.


	2. Chapter 2

The chance that came was one in a million. If he hadn't been looking for it he might not have even noticed such an opportunity existed. They were being taken back to their shared cell after a long session. Roy was carrying Ed like he normally had to, being prodded roughly in the back by the brutes. Ed was crying and holding onto the tattered shirt Roy was wearing. Roy was surprised the child was even conscious at this point, normally having been passed out cold.

Ed flinched violently as a gust of wind came howling through the damp tunnel they were in. The fidget caused Roy to shift, adjusting his grip so he didn't drop Ed. Conveniently, his elbow happened to smack back into the gut of one of the brutes. They grunted and fell back into their buddy.

The chance.

Roy didn't even intend to cause two of their kidnappers to fall over, but he didn't regret it. "Hold on!" Roy told Ed as he transferred the kid to his back. Despite being so out of it Ed managed to wrap himself around Roy in a vice-like grip, both arms and legs holding on for life. They were lucky he even had both arms at the moment rather than them disconnecting it like they normally did at the end of a session. Roy picked up the fallen dagger while the fallen brutes struggled to get up. Kicking one of them who had risen to his knees, Roy sunk the dagger into the other man. There was a lot of blood, and then a lot of silence. Not wasting time, Roy stabbed the other one and killed him too. Starring, horrified, at the blood that leaked from the bodies. Behind him Ed was gagging.

"Look away, son," Roy murmured, using his free hand to cover Ed's eyes.

"I'm…. okay," Ed gasped out, but didn't stop from burying his head into Roy's shoulder to prevent himself from seeing.

Roy wiped the blade clean on the shirt of one of the dead and began his ascent. His feet were bare and sticky with some of the blood. Trying not to wretch himself, Roy climbed. In their months here Roy had the luck of getting to know the layout of the building very well. It was an old factory of some sort, maybe Xing architecture? Past the staircase was the torture chamber where they spent most their time. Then they were in the large open space of the actual factory. Past that, they were outside.

They had only ever dealt with the two villains that Roy had just put an end to, but that didn't make Roy think they were safe. So when he reached the top of the stairs he was slow to open the door, lest there be a person on the other side. There didn't seem to be anyone in the room, or a sign of anyone having been in the room aside from them. The chair that they strapped him to still laid on its side from when he had fallen over in an attempt to break free. Inching into the room, Roy whispered for Ed to close his eyes to make things easier. This room held nothing but pain for the both of them, but at this moment Roy had to be strong and go forward. Ed's head pressed closer, his grip tightening. The contact kept Roy grounded in the past rather than panicking at the idea of being in this room again.

Moving quickly at this point Roy went to the door that lead to the open plane. At the door to the open block Roy found two pairs of snow boots as well as coats. Both boots and coats were far too large on Ed, the child practically drowning in them. They kept him warm though, and that's what they needed. Once they were bundled up Roy opened the door, just as slowly as before, into the large room.

Empty. Roy frowned. Had there really only been two men this whole time? He didn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. All this suffering they've been through was caused by two men and nothing more? No, it couldn't be just two. Roy crept out slowly and began inching along the walls in the direction of the nearest broken window pane, which was closer than the door. He didn't feel comfortable with striding across the floor, there could still be people in here on the upper floors.

A gun shot confirmed that idea. Shouts followed the shot and Roy noticed a bullet shaped hole in the wall near his head. He got really lucky. Breaking into a sprint Roy made for the broken window, throwing caution to the wind. Gunshots and shouts followed him. Roy was already winded by the time he reached his destination, months of starvation had done its toll.

Scrambling out the window was harder than he thought it would be. Somehow he managed it though, and just like that he was outside. The sun was bright and reflected on the snow in the ground. Roy wasted no time in making his getaway.

"Are we safe?" Ed whispered. Roy's heart went out to how tired the kid sounded, how broken.

"Not quite," Roy said, not ready to make false promises. "But we will be, soon."


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed the universe was paying them back for their months of suffering. The house Roy found abandoned had been stockpiled with canned goods and clothes that roughly fit them. From the clothing alone Roy could figure out that a man had lived here with his kids. A girl and boy. The boy's clothes roughly fit Ed, still a size too large. The man's clothes fit Roy to a T.

One of the things that showed how much Ed has been through is that he didn't complain about having to wear kid's clothes. Brightly colored shirts with cute animals made for someone who was probably six years old rather than twelve. Actually, Ed didn't complain about anything anymore. Neither did Roy though. They had both been at the lowest so now everything seemed like an improvement.

The first few days at the cabin Roy spent awaiting for the return of the previous owner. After those initial days though his fear shifted from the previous owner to their kidnappers. They had been free for a total of two weeks, one at the cabin, and one getting from the factory to the cabin. He made sure to cover their tracks in the snow. Doubling back several times in order to confuse anyone pursuing. Using a fallen branch to erase the footprints in other areas. Still, that didn't give him any feelings of safety.

A couple of times he almost told Ed to get ready to leave again. He didn't want to stay somewhere so close to such horrible memories. But he and Ed were far too weak to be moving, they were lucky to have what they found. So each time he thought of leaving he stopped himself and went back to trying to heal and recover.

Ed was asleep for the most part. Whether it was on Roy's back while traveling, or be it in the single bed in the cabin. Roy spent his nights on the couch with blankets and pillows found in a closet. Who knew how old they were but what mattered was they were warm. The cabin overall was warm, almost comfortable. That was good for Ed as he was still having a hard time adjusting to the sudden freedom. He'd wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares. He didn't scream or anything, which was probably the worst part. If he screamed, or sobbed, given some sign to Roy that he was suffering, it'd make his job so much easier. When they were in the cell though if Ed made a sound from his nightmares it meant an extra harsh session, so he learned not to make any sound.

In order to be there for Ed, Roy would stay up late into the night in order to still be awake when Ed woke up. When Ed did wake up he'd sit there with him and do his best to comfort. Roy never needed to comfort anyone before this ordeal, never had a reason too. Thus, he wasn't the best at it; making the situation awkward more than anything. That was around three months ago, now he was much better at knowing what Ed needed and when. Whether it be a reminder of everything he saw being a dream, a shoulder to cry on, or a hug from someone who cared. Roy didn't tell Ed at first, but he found a box of candies in one of the closets. He kept them on hand and when Ed's nightmares got really bad he'd give him some. The chocolate worked to calm Ed down the most, next to hugging. The reminder of home was enough, or the reminder that someone cared.

The dependence Ed had on Roy was becoming concerning too. This once proud young man was just a fragile child now. Ed didn't leave the cabin unless Roy was, and when Roy did leave, the child would press to his side like glue. Ed would jump at the slightest of sounds. Rather than reacting violently to anything, Ed would hide further behind Roy. There was no fight left in him. If Roy was acting as a superior officer, he'd have given Ed a good kick in the right direction by now. He'd have slapped him into sense, get him back into fighting gear. Even if getting him back into fighting gear meant breaking him like glass.

Roy wasn't that man anymore though, at least he didn't think he was. He didn't know how someone would tell if they'd changed, how to measure it. By their actions, by their words, or by how they felt? He found that he didn't want to shove Ed anymore, quite the opposite in fact. When he had first met such a broken child he had yelled at him while he was in a wheelchair. He had shouted for him to get back in the game, to keep moving. He had told him to join the military.

Now he moved at Ed's pace. If the boy wanted to hide behind him because something scared him, okay then. If he wanted to cry after a nightmare, okay then. If he wanted to spend an entire day silent because he was traumatized, okay. Roy kept his eye on Ed, making sure he had what he needed and wasn't in direct distress. His biggest concern, aside from the nightmares, was Ed's new self-destructive tendencies. The boy didn't eat unless Roy made him, sometimes requiring direct motivation in order to even consume the next bite, let alone a whole meal. The next issue was his tendency to scratch at his automail joints. When Roy was changing the bandages of Ed's chest he saw deep, angry, red marks on the kid's shoulder.

"Have you been scratching again?" Roy queried. He made sure to put no confrontation behind his words, if he did Ed would never talk to him.

"A little…" Ed admitted, his voice small and guilty.

"It's okay, I'm not mad. You need to stop scratching at them though, Ed. They are a part of you no matter how you may hate them. They need to be taken care of, you need to be taken care of. You can't go hurting yourself like this, the pain is supposed to be over."

"They itch," as though to prove a point one of Ed's hands reached up to scratch again. Roy grabbed it and pulled it away from the shoulder quickly.

"They itch?" Could they be festering with fever or something of the sort? Maybe they were in trouble after all. Roy thought they could recover here before trying to go anywhere, but maybe there was more urgency than that.

Ed nodded in confirmation. "They itch and scratching helps it."

"Are the ports infected or something? Can you even tell if they are?"

"They aren't. They just itch." It must be something psychological then, at least Roy hoped so. Ed had enough going on in his head as it was but he didn't want to have to leave the cabin just yet because of something like a port infection. Could his ports even get infected? Roy wasn't sure.

"Well next time they itch. Rather than scratching at the port, scratch at your ear instead and pretend it's going away." Ed raised an eyebrow at him, a silent judgement. "Trust me. Just do it."

"I trust you," Ed whispered. Then Ed was hugging Roy on his arm. This was another new thing to Ed that Roy couldn't bring himself to mind. He liked being hugged and hugging a lot more. Something about the friendly contact grounded them both from getting lost in the past.

The last thing that concerned Roy was the distinctive lack of mentioning Ed's brother. He was waiting for the boy to speak about the younger brother. Maybe even just in passing, but there was nothing. Roy knew he had to ask, this wasn't part of something he could ignore. So it was with great trepidation that on the dawn of their 8th day over a can of vegetables, Roy asked. "Are you looking forward to seeing your brother again?"

Ed glanced up from his can, his eyes like those of a deer caught in the light. "I…" Ed bit his lip and Roy could tell right off that he was close to the point of breaking, already. "I…"

"Are you not ready?" Roy kept his tone as neutral as he could without being insulting. It was a fine line he had learned to walk with Edward. Too indifferent and he thought you didn't care, clamming up right away. Too caring and he thought you were too oppressive and would be too scared to answer. Only twice had Roy ever actually set Ed off, and that was well at the beginning of their adjustment to these new versions of themselves.

"I never thought about it," Ed admitted. "I forgot about Al… I forgot about my brother." The tears were there. Roy got up in an instant and was at Ed's side in a moment, hugging the boy to his chest.

"You had a lot to go through," Roy explained. "It's understandable you would need more times before you got your thoughts together."

"How could I forget my little brother?" Ed whispered, horrified in himself. One hand loosely clung to the material of Roy's shirt, the other coming up to scratch behind his ear before settling limply in his lap. Roy managed to calm the boy down eventually, even convinced him to take a nap despite having just woken up. While Ed was asleep Roy had a bit more freedom around the house. Except for the occasional check on Ed, he had the time to do as he wished. Something he felt he sorely needed some days.

Taking care of Edward was hard work, especially when he himself wasn't at his full strength. It required a lot of patience. He had that kind of patience though, and that kind of determination. He felt guilty about what happened to Ed, it was his fault after all. If Edward had never joined the military, then he would never have been put in that position. It was Roy's fault that Edward joined, and so he'd take responsibility for it.

Roy used this period of free time to explore the basement to the cabin, something he previously had left untouched. It was a cluttered room with boxes and crates galore. In one corner were an assortment of farming tools, ranging from watering cans to scythes. Roy whistled softly in appreciation, this place had everything. Some of the boxes had labels of 'spring' and the other seasons listed on them. Opening the boxes, he found some seeds in separate packets, labeled as well as to what type of vegetable they were.

This house was meant to survive in for a long period of time. Maybe even forever, odd. Roy still wasn't sure as to what region he was even in. It could be Xing. He didn't know much about the political situation in Xing, was it bad enough to need houses like these that were dependable of living on their own?

He heard a thud from above that meant Ed was awake. Closing the box flaps he left the basement. The weather had been warming up recently. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to make use of the seeds and farm tools. After all, their supplies wouldn't last forever.

When he got to the top he closed the door to the basement. Ed was sitting up in bed, blinking. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and yawned. Roy smiled at the sight, Ed was such a kid these days. It was cute.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Roy greeted, even though it was probably in the afternoon by this point. They woke up late in the mornings without any form of alarm. They didn't mind since there wasn't really anything to do except sleep. Despite the amount of supplies in the household there was a lack of books or other things to do.

"Mornin'" Ed replied. Climbing down from the bed Ed went over to Roy and hugged him around the waist. Roy hugged him back, knowing the boy needed to know that someone was there.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked. He knew Ed didn't, the boy would be sobbing if he had.

"Nope."

"Well that's a first!" Roy congratulated. "It must mean you're recovering. Do you feel any better?"

"When you're here," Ed mumbled, his head buried in Roy's stomach. Roy smiled softly, ruffling Ed's hair. "Sorry," Ed mumbled.

"No need to apologize," Roy replied. "I'm here until you don't need me anymore."


	4. Chapter 4

It took another month for them both to recover enough to be willing to venture outside. At first they kept within sight of their house, too fearful to go much further. Ed never left Roy's side during these excursions. Often holding either his hand, or the edge of his shirt, somehow maintaining contact constantly. Roy found he really didn't mind Ed doing this, rather he preferred it. He was worried about their refuge being found and Roy didn't want Ed to go far. He hadn't seen him do alchemy at all in the months since their capture, he was beginning to worry if Ed even could. He didn't want to push it, so he didn't ask.

When they became more comfortable with their surroundings they began to venture farther. A lake was nearby, a stream connecting to it giving a good supply of clean water. It must also be the origin of the tap water within the cabin. They finally got to take the baths they had been longing for since their escape from captivity. After that Roy felt like a new man, and Ed certainly looked a lot better without all the dirt on him.

After that the made wide circles around their house, getting a full scope of the area they lived in. Ed grew slightly more adventurous when they took time to do this. He would run ahead of Roy a little and gawk at a flower that began blooming from the ground. The first signs of spring. He would run ahead so he could climb a tree 'because it looks climbable'. Somehow, the kid convinced Roy to climb up too so he 'didn't miss the view'. Ed smiled as Roy took a seat beside him in the high branches. It was a rare smile he saw every now and then, it made his chest clench a bit. He didn't see that smile often, not since captivity, and certainly not before captivity. It was the smile of a child, not of a child soldier. Roy felt the deep seated desire to keep that smile on Ed's face for as long as he could.

That must be why Ed somehow convinced him that it was a good idea to use the last of their chocolate supply to make s'mores. The fire they kept in the cabin, in the fireplace. Even though it was warm enough to do outside, Roy was hesitant to let the light attract strangers. Even if there was little to no doubt that their kidnappers would come back for them, Roy didn't want to meet anyone just yet. He wasn't mentally prepared yet, thoughts and concerns still swarming his mind.

Ed seemed content though, roasting a marshmallow on a stick in front of the fireplace. He ate it right off the stick. Roy slapped him lightly on the back of the head without thinking about it. "Why'd you do that when you spent a solid half hour convincing me to make s'mores?" Roy demanded.

Ed looked back at Roy, who sat on the couch, from his place on the ground. "It's good," he declared, as though that explained everything. Roy rolled his eyes and smiled, ruffling Ed's hair.

Ed roasted another marshmallow, actually making this one into a s'more. "Hey, Roy." Ed asked quietly after eating the s'more. Roy noted immediately the change in tone. Ed had three distinct tones of voice that Roy could note. The one of a traumatized kid who's suffered too much for one person to bear. The one of a simple child, this one becoming more and more often used. Then the one from months ago, a child soldier in a war. This last one was used less and less frequently, yet was here now.

"What is it, Edward?" Roy responded, showing that he was listening.

"Are we… When are we going to leave?" Ed didn't look at Roy as he asked, staring into the fire instead. He had drawn his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

That had been the exact question that had been plaguing Roy's mind too. When would they leave? They were more than enough physically recovered now, and there were probably people searching for them back home. Hawkeye, Alphonse, those two would be worried by now. Still, Roy was hesitant to go anywhere. And it wasn't because he didn't want to see his team again, but because he didn't want to be in his team again.

Just like that, the feeling of discontent he had felt since recovering had a name to it. He didn't want to go back. He was tired. Fighting in the war and then going through this had pushed him to his limit. Such a weak limit it was. He didn't want to go back to the army and have to face these situations again, have to suffer like this again. He wanted to quit being a state alchemist.

Was he really willing to abandon all he knew? What about rising to the top? What about his old dreams? Could he really abandon it all, just like that? He's seen military deserters before. Generally, they didn't pursue such people unless they made an attempt to flee the country. Then they'd have to be dragged back because they couldn't risk military secrets getting out.

Technically he may not even have to desert to get out. Given the ordeal he's been through, and the previous years he's served. He may get away with simply leaving. Bradly probably wouldn't stop him; after all it was less competition for his position. He couldn't really believe that he was considering this, and even planning it through. If he had been told five months ago that he would be ditching the army voluntarily, he would have laughed in that person's face. Yet here he was, wanting out.

Ed seemed to notice Roy's inner turmoil as he came up onto the couch beside Roy and gave a small hug, his arms too small to actually wrap around Roy. The hug only let Roy notice how much frailer Ed's human arm was in comparison to his automail. When the mission had started both arms had been roughly the same in size, not the disparity between the two was that of day and night. Roy was sure that underneath Ed's thick cotton pants, the situation was the same. He marveled at how the boy could still carry himself around with seemingly ease despite two of four largely out of proportioned limbs.

"What's on your mind?" Ed asked quietly as he release Roy from the hug, leaning back into the couch.

Roy sighed, running a hand through his hair, letting the locks fall again in front of his eyes. He really needed to cut it. The beard too. "I guess it's just… Do you even want to go back to central?" There, he said it. Now lightning could strike him above for voicing those kind of thoughts out loud.

Ed frowned, seeming to consider it. "I don't know," Ed responded honestly after a long minute of silence, save for the crackling of the fire. "I mean… I do want to see Alphonse again. I'm not so bad of a brother that I'd never want to see him again but…"

"But what?" Roy prodded when Ed fell into an uneasy silence.

"But I don't want to go back to the way things were," Ed breathed out. He looked up at Roy with large golden eyes that pleaded with him. For what though, Roy didn't know. "I don't want to go back to… To doing alchemy."

"Does it hurt?" Roy asked gently, afraid of saying the wrong thing. He knew how fragile Ed was right now, the wrong word and he'd clam up and Roy would have to start all over again.

Ed nodded, tears coming to the corner of his eyes. "I tried transmuting some wood earlier and I just couldn't bring myself to. It hurts so much, Roy. I can't do alchemy without thinking about…"

Roy pulled Ed into his arms, shushing him quickly. "I know, Ed. It's okay. You don't have to do this anymore, I promise."

"How can you promise that though?" Ed asked, speaking into Roy's chest. "When we go back, Bradly and the others… They'll want us doing our jobs again, we signed on for it… We have to do it."

"We don't have to go back," Roy offered. "We could just stay here, or go somewhere else. We could call Alphonse and tell him to come meet up with us."

Ed pulled back from Roy's chest to look up with wide eyes. "You'd do that, for me?"

Roy smiled, finally sure of something. "Yeah, I would." He may no longer want to have an entire country resting on his shoulders. Or even just a team of people dependent on him. This child though, this one he could handle. Ed was just a child, a small boy who he could protect. Even after this ordeal, he could still probably handle just him and Ed better than he could a team of people or a country. He didn't want to lead, but he didn't want to be alone. Ed was a good middle. "Anything you want, Ed. I'm here for you."

Ed buried his head back into Roy's chest, sighing softly in contentment. "Thank you," he breathed out. Roy sat with Ed like that until the child fell asleep, head pressed into Roy's chest. Small snores coming from his mouth as he curled up. Roy smiled at the fire as he watched it slowly die. Yeah, he could do this.


	5. Chapter 5

When Alphonse received the call he wasn't sure he could really believe it. In fact, he didn't believe it. Roy had to answer a long string of questions in order to assure Alphonse that he was in fact who he claimed he was. Naturally, being the brother that he was, his next series of questions were about Edward.

"He's safe," was Roy's general response to any query Alphonse made. It irritated the young boy somewhat that Roy was being vague and dodgy with his answers. He was hiding something about brother from him.

"If something is wrong with Ed, just tell me," Alphonse's statement was halfway between a plea and a demand.

Lately Alphonse had noticed that he was slowly changing as a person. It had started slowly, so slowly that he hadn't actually noticed it. Having Ed missing had practically cut off all of Alphonse's access to the military. The only times he had even been allowed in HQ were for interrogations about brother. That being the case, Al had to find other methods of getting what he needed. He had to find brother, there was no other option in his mind. Without Ed there was absolutely no hope of getting to live peacefully, with his family, in Resembool. There would be no way to get their bodies back without Ed. His brother was the reason they got as far as they did, he needed his brother.

That was how Al found himself dealing with people he never would have considered dealing with before. Namely an Ishbalen man with an X across his face named Scar. The help had been sudden and unlikely, and his acceptance of such help even more unlikely.

Alphonse had been morosely wandering the streets of Central, trying to figure out something he could do to find brother. Tracing paths in his mind as to where the blond and his commander could have gone. There it was that he hadn't seen the large man in the alley, watching him. Despite not seeing the man, Alphonse's reaction time hadn't been slow when an arm suddenly grabbed him. Thankfully it hadn't been the one that would shatter him immediately.

"Hey," Scar grunted out while pulling Alphonse into the alley. "I just want to talk. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Better not be," Alphonse grumbled, feeling tired despite not needing sleep. "What do you want?"

"Where's your brother been?" Alphonse was surprised to see Scar looking genuinely curious and… worried? "I've only seen you wandering around these streets for the past month. What's going on?"

"Brother is missing," Alphonse explained. "He and Mustang had been sent on a mission together and they never came back. No one in the military will let me help in the search because on 'non-essential' personnel.

Scar frowned, perturbed by the situation that had been so roughly explained. "Do you know around where he had disappeared?"

Alphonse shook his head. "I only know he and Mustang were going to Drachma for a covert op of some kind. Brother couldn't really tell me the details except that he should have been back in about three weeks."

"Drachma huh…" Scar reached into a pocket and fumbled around for a bit before producing a wallet. Opening it Scar scrutinized the contents briefly before closing it and returning it to his pocket. "Well, let's go then."

"Go where?" Alphonse felt like he already knew the answer but asked anyways.

"To Drachma."

That was how their unlikely friendship had begun. They went to Drachma and spent a month there with no sign of Ed or Mustang. Not that they could openly state that they were looking for Amestrian State Alchemists. It was difficult to ask about them without giving too much away. Also Scar and Alphonse's appearances made them stand out a lot. Several times they had been chased outside of a town or two. Many more times than that they were set upon by brutes looking for a good fight.

If Al hadn't been good at fighting before, which he hadn't been the best at nor the worst, he certainly was now. Alphonse had fought like a dying man, according to Scar. All desperation and no grace. Alphonse had contended that Scar fought the same way, to which he was very sorely mistaken as Scar later proved. Scar taught how and where to put power in his swings. Not that Alphonse felt he needed hand-to-suit combat all that much, but it was still nice to know. Some of the lessons really weren't needed, due to his lack of body. Despite that Alphonse still practiced for when he would get his body back, that was he'd know what to do to teach himself to fight properly.

While they traveled they had to stay with some rougher crowds. At first Scar had tried to shied Alphonse from the brunt of these vulgar people. Getting him out of the room when a fight broke out and so forth. Al didn't know why Scar ever felt like he had to protect him from these incidents, but he appreciated the sentiment. Now was a different story. Al had gained a temper to rival brother's when height was mentioned. Depending on his mood, Alphonse would even be the one starting the fights. Scar was normally right alongside him during those time, they had each other's backs.

At first Al had felt that Scar would betray him at any moment, especially their first couple of weeks in Drachma. There was no reason for Scar to help him find someone he was bound to destroy. Al didn't ask for Scar's reasons, and Scar never gave any. Rather they came to a silent agreement, then an odd friendship. A friendship born of being outsiders, being too weird for the normal people to handle.

After the first month in Drachma the pair had made many more attempts at locating brother and Mustang. They bought a flat in Central that they used as ground base between excursions. Al gave the telephone number of the flat to Hawkeye in case any news came up. They traveled the areas in and around Drachma. Each trip taking anywhere from one to two weeks. Each time they felt they were getting farther and farther away from finding them. As time marched on clues became fainter.

It was sheer luck that Alphonse and Scar were home when he was patched into a three way call between Roy and the team at Central.

"Listen," Roy said, suddenly sounding very urgent. "Ed and I are safe for now but we're still in a bit of danger, this line isn't safe. I know that Edw-er… Fullmetal. Would like to talk to his brother."

"Why can't brother talk to me now?" Alphonse demanded.

"He's still back at the safe-house." This seemed reasonable enough to Alphonse so he quickly gave Mustang the phone number to their flat. Mustang's team tried to ask for more information of him but he dodged their questions again. Past that he got off the line fairly quickly, leaving both Al and Scar confused.

They were more confused when not five minutes after hanging up their phone began ringing again. "Can you keep a secret, Alphonse?" Mustang asked as an opening line.

"Well there's someone with me now, but we can keep a secret, sure." Alphonse didn't know if Scar would want his presence known or not, and so settled on a safe 'someone's here but I'm not saying who.'

"Are they in the military?" Al found it even weirder that Roy asked that rather than just who it was.

"No."

"Then it doesn't really matter. I'm going to be quick because it's getting dark out over here and I have to get back to Edward. Get a pen and paper." Roy waited until they had gotten the materials before rattling off the name of a town in Xing and then some directions after. "When you get the cabin that's where Ed and I are. Only you can come though, don't let anyone else."

"Why not, Mustang?"

Al could imagine Mustang biting his lip as he searched for a response. "You'll see once you get over here. Be careful, Alphonse." Then the line was dead. Al stared at the phone, confused. Slowly putting it back on the receiver he looked at Scar.

"So?"

Scar shrugged. "I don't see a reason not to. Let's go."

It took them a little longer to pack their bags than usual. Normally Alphonse didn't need anything but at hearing Ed was going to definitely be there, he had decided to pack some clothes for his brother. This took a while as all of Ed's stuff had been placed in the back of a closet in Alphonse's room and he had to sift through the giant box for stuff appropriate to bring. All the while he packed he wondered at how Mustang and Ed had even wound up in Xing, no wonder they weren't able to find them before.

Finally, after what felt like far too long, they were ready. Alphonse opened the door, feeling like butterflies were in his stomach. Finally, he'd get to see brother again! Even if it was with that greasy haired Mustang. A slow hate had been cumulating in him since Ed's disappearance. It was Mustang's fault probably, the man never looked after Ed or really cared about him. When they had first met Mustang had picked Ed up from his wheelchair and yelled in his face! He couldn't believe he had ever thought that Mustang was nice.

The front door the flat opened. Hawkeye and crew were waiting for them. There was a moment of surprise on both ends, eyes widening and breaths catching. They hadn't seen each other in months, having no real need to speak. None of Mustang's crew knew of Scar.

Hawkeye recovered the fastest, her face going from surprised to calculating within moments. "We need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

The weeks leading up to Alphonse's expected arrival were weeks of nervous preparation for Ed.

Roy and Ed had been lucky enough to find a village in Xing nearby their house, after they had gathered enough courage to venture out. Ed had been most hesitant to leave, having just gotten used to life at home. It took a lot of coaxing on Roy's part but finally he got the boy to leave with him. The village was about three miles through the woods from their home. It was fairly small, the kind where everyone knew everyone. Which made sneaking in to scope it out, impossible. They were both thankful, and lucky, that the people there didn't ask too many questions.

They met the village leader, mayor, elder, whatever, in the town square. "Don't get too many strangers in these parts." The man went by the name of Cheng. "Given by the looks of you two though I'd say you've faced some tough times. Rest assured, you're safe here. We've had some strangers in these parts before but never has any bad blood passed between us. As long as you respect our laws and customs you're welcome to stay here."

"We actually stay in a cabin nearby; this is our first time coming to town." Ed was holding onto Roy's shirt-sleeve, hiding slightly behind him. Roy set his hand on top of Ed's head as he talked to Cheng. Silently, he told Ed that he was here and that it was going to be okay.

"Ah," Cheng nodded. "I know the house you mean. The man who lived there previously left our small community without a word, leaving his daughter behind. She died just recently, and left the house to the village." Roy and Ed both tensed, expecting to be evicted at that point. "I see no reason as to why you two can't have the place though. I honestly don't know what to do with it." Cheng gave them both a once over. "The stuff in the house can stay with you too. I think you need it more than we do."

"We thank you for your generosity," Roy said sincerely.

"It's no trouble. People come and go all the time, you aren't the first, and you won't be the last. My philosophy is it's better to extend a helping hand and hope rather than a sword and despair."

After that Cheng showed them around the village and got them acquainted with the people who lived there. Most of them were old and there were very few kids in the village, none of them as young as Ed. As a byproduct of that Ed got a lot more attention from the people than he really wanted. Soon enough Ed was hiding behind Roy permanently, clinging to either the hem of his shirt, or sleeve. Roy didn't have the heart to pull the blond from his hiding spot and make him talk to people. It wasn't healthy to let Ed stay this reclusive, he knew that. Soon, he promised himself, he'd get Ed used to other people again. Just, not yet. For now, they were okay.

Maybe he didn't even have to do anything. One of the residences Cheng took them too belonged to a knarred mechanic who happened to work with automail. This peaked Ed's interest as the mechanic allowed them to browse the limbs he had for sale. Most of them were overly large as making child-sized automail is a sad, and hopefully unnecessary, process. Bo, the mechanic, said he'd fix Ed up a new set of automail that would fit his now scrawny form. Roy had been hesitant to accept the offer. He had planned on just getting Ed to eat more to build the rest of his body back up. Bo had to explain to him that Ed's automail was just too heavy for someone who still had a growth-spurt or two ahead of them. The metal inhibited any recovery his body was trying to make. Only then did Roy agree.

It took some persuasion and a lot of patience to get Ed to stay still for the measurements. Somehow they managed and Bo promised to send for them when it was complete. Roy didn't know how he'd pay for it, but he'd worry about it later. Ed needed the automail, so Roy would buy it.

It seemed like hours later when Cheng took them to his place, which doubled as a city hall. Roy had requested the use of a phone early on in their tour but through talking to so many new people, it had slipped his mind until Cheng brought it up again. Cheng took them to a room with only a few chairs and a phone. He gave them privacy for their calls and told them not to rush.

Alone, Roy looked at Ed. "Are you ready?" he asked. Ed nodded in reply and Roy frowned slightly. "Answer me, Edward."

"Yes," came the quiet response. Roy let out a small sigh of relief. This was the first he heard the boy talk since they came here. "You know these aren't bad people right?"

Ed started to nod but then changed his course and spoke. "I know they aren't bad. I just… I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, Ed." Roy ruffled his hair. "I'm just worried about you that's all."

"I'm fine." Ed didn't meet Roy's eyes when he spoke. Roy wondered if this village also had a child psychologist he could consult.

"Do you want to talk to your brother or am I going to be doing all the talking?" Roy asked. He didn't know if it'd be a good idea to force Ed to talk to his brother or not. Maybe the familiarity of it would spark something in the traumatized boy. Then again it could also bring back the feelings of responsibility the child always bore, that'd make things worse. Once Alphonse made it out here that burden would probably come back anyways, how could it not? Still, if Roy could delay that from coming back to Ed, he would.

"Can you do the talking?" Ed asked, looking at his hands.

"Of course, it's no problem. Do you want to listen at least?"

Ed nodded and Roy didn't push him to use his words. He just dialed the number to HQ.

Wurekgybersu

After that conversation they had an actual date to which Alphonse would arrive at. It'd take Al probably at least a week and a half to get here, maybe two full weeks. Roy told Ed it'd take around two and a half weeks. He didn't want Ed to start worrying too soon if his brother was running even a little late. Roy knew that Ed was smart enough to figure out the lie, easily at that too. Yet Ed never called him out on it, so Roy let it rest.

It was just over a week; Ed was sitting outside with Roy on the porch. They had stopped fearing the outdoors so much but as they had found out, being separated for too long still gave them anxiety. It would be rare that one would choose to stay in the cabin while the other went to town, or even as far as the wood-growth nearby. Neither acknowledged this joint dependence on the other, choosing instead to just let sleeping dogs lie.

While they sat together on the porch Ed was the one to ask. "When Al gets here, are we leaving?"

Roy shrugged, he had been thinking about that too recently. The people in the village were nice to them, they had a good place here. "There's a chance that the team is following behind Alphonse, we will probably have to run immediately."

"I like it here."

"Me too, kiddo. Me too." Roy ruffled Ed's hair, earning a scowl from the kid. Ed wasn't anywhere near back to the way he used to be. There were signs of recovery though, at least around Roy. When a stranger was introduced to the mix Ed would return to the traumatized child who refused to speak. Around Roy though he got a bit of his attitude back, in a much milder form. Roy enjoyed the gentle teasing they had between each other, and despite Ed's protests, he knew the child enjoyed it too.

"What did you want for dinner tonight?" Roy asked, standing and stretching.

"Stew?"

"You ask for that every night, are you ever going to get sick of it?" Ed pouted, which made Roy give. "Alright, tonight we can have stew. Tomorrow you have to ask for something different though."

Ed nodded in agreement and stood as well. He grabbed Roy's hand and the two disappeared back into their home.

The next week was one spent in suppressed nervousness. Roy knew Al would be here any day now. Unless the boy got lost of course. He felt bad about having Al come all the way out to them, but there was no way that Roy and Ed were going to go back to Central and run that risk. So they kept waiting. They made about two more stops to the village where they had exchanged old clothes and things they didn't need in the cabin for backpacks and other materials. Just in case they had to run.

As though the universe wanted to punish Roy some more. Ed's nightmares had been getting worse. The boy would wake up two, three, times a night crying and screaming in pain. This wasn't without a cause though. A few days prior to the increased nightmares, they had gotten Ed's automail replaced. The surgery had sent the boy into flashbacks to being tortured. Roy understood fully, but Ed really couldn't keep his old automail any longer. Despite eating proper meals and sleeping(?) enough he still was getting thinner. Roy was growing concerned but didn't know what do other than make sure Ed was healthy.

A doctor in the village told Roy that Ed was doing just fine, especially after the automail adjustments. Roy just had to be patient. Mustang really wished that this village had a psychologist that he could get Ed to talk to. As it was, he talked to Ed after every nightmare. Every night, every time. It seemed to help a little as Ed would fall back to sleep easier.

One night Roy was far too tired to deal with the fourth nightmare. Rather than talk to Ed and analyze the dream like he normally did. He got up and picked Ed up from his make-shift hammock, and brought him over to the bed. Ed didn't protest, and Roy didn't mind. There wasn't another nightmare that night, to which both were grateful. After that, when Ed had a nightmare, he'd go sleep in Roy's bed.

Tonight when Ed was getting ready for bed though he bypassed the hammock completely and went straight for Roy who was lying in bed, reading a book by candlelight. Ed climbed in beside Roy and snuggled under the covers. "Not even going to try the hammock?" Roy asked Ed.

The boy shook his head. "I don't want nightmares."

Roy nodded, hiding a grimace. Ed needed to be getting better, and he wasn't sure if this was it. Roy wished he knew more about parenting. Ed needed to be gaining his independence back, didn't he? The way Roy was seeing it was that the boy was growing more and more dependent on Roy rather than on himself.

Was that bad though? Another voice in Roy's head asked. After all, nightmares were bad. If this got rid of the nightmares, didn't that mean this was a good thing? Roy really didn't know, but this line of logic was so much simpler.

Roy started to close his book after dog-earing the page. Ed grabbed his hand and stopped him. "Read?" he asked, his eyes were wide like saucer plates.

He sighed in mild exasperation. "Sure. Not this book though." Roy set the book aside and pulled another one from the bedside table. He opened it to the first page and glanced down at Ed. "Close your eyes, you'll fall asleep faster that way."

Ed did as he was told. Roy began to read to him until they both fell asleep. Ed snuggled into Roy's side, and a book open of Roy's chest.


	7. Chapter 7

Ed was running up and down the bank by a stream. Roy was behind him, watching the blond run with a small smile. The weather had warmed recently, melting the snow of winter. The pleasant temperatures had encouraged them to take this long excursion. Ed had been the one to enthusiastically suggest it, seeing as they both were getting cabin fever. It was good to see so much energy in him, even if he was mildly concerned with Ed tiring out too early. The lighter automail was helping, Roy could see the improvements. Despite the nightmares, Ed did have an easier time moving around than before. Or at least, Ed made it seem that he had more energy than before.

Ed was leaning over the riverbank, probably having spotted some fish. Roy quickened his stride to catch up with the boy, and peering over his shoulder. Sure enough two fish were swimming upstream. They're scales looked almost rainbow colored as the sunlight and water reflected off of them. Roy realized that Ed was starting to lean over to touch a fish. He quickly pulled Ed back, taking him away from the bank. "Let's not get to close," he advised. "I don't want you falling over or something."

Ed scowled, but it looked more like a pout. "I wouldn't have fallen over," he protested.

"Then do it for my sake, please. I don't want anything to happen to you before Alphonse gets here. I don't need that boy killing me, not that he won't already. "

The blond waved a hand dismissively. "Al wouldn't kill you, he respects you too much for that. He's always been the one who held me back from killing you."

"Oh?" Roy asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. "And are you saying you don't respect me, Ed?"

Ed took careful thought about what his next words were. "It's not that… It's…" the boy couldn't find and answer and Roy took the chance from him.

"I guess I'll just have to make you respect me!"

The next thing Ed knew was that he was being lifted off his feet by Roy. Ed gave an indignant yelp, kicking his feet uselessly. It was amazing that Roy could lift him and keep him suspended like this. Even if his automail had been switched out, it didn't make him as light as a feather or anything. "Put me down!" Ed yelled as he struggled in Roy's hold. He tried kicking free, twisting, unclenching Roy's hands; all in vain.

"Nope," Roy seemed to be getting a kick out of it.

Ed began laughing as Roy started throwing him in the air only to catch him again. He tried to grab at tree branches as he was thrown up, something to keep him from Roy's reach. Roy saw the move though and started throwing Ed shorter distances up. "Stop it!" Ed said between bursts of laughter. "Put me down, dad!"

They both stopped.

Roy was frozen and Ed took the chance to twist out of his arms finally, landing roughly to the cold earth. "Ed, I- "

"Sorry." Ed turned tail and fled as fast as he could through the woods. He ignored the calls of Roy as the raven called after him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could he have let something like _that_ slip out of his mouth? Now Roy was going to want to go back to the military, or at least leave Ed behind.

Stupid.

Ed started climbing a tree, deciding he was far enough that Roy wouldn't catch up for another moment. He made it up into the leafy boughs just in time before Roy came running underneath his hiding spot, calling his name. What was Ed doing anyways? Shouldn't he be going back to the military?

Ed sat back against the trunk of the tree. The bough was wide enough that he could pull his knees to his chest, which he did so; before burying his head into his arms folded across the top. He was so dumb. Stupid for getting caught on the mission in the first place. Stupid for not being able to escape and having to rely on Roy to get them out. Worthless for wanting to quit, how could he have even considered such a thing? The military was where he belonged now, not here. Not in Xing with Roy trying to… what was he even trying to do? He wasn't doing anything except wasting his life. He hasn't done alchemy since he was captured. He hasn't found a lead on getting Al's body back in months.

Oh, Al. Ed had forgotten about his brother for a while, something he still regretted. Al was his responsibility, and he had forgotten. It didn't matter if there was an excuse for it, which there wasn't, it was his fault and now he had to pay for it. When Al got here they'd go back to Central, start over again. Never mind that he wanted to run away, what he wanted didn't matter. This was for Al, like everything else always was.

Ed got down from the tree. His feet touching the ground again he stood tall, looking out at the forest. Roy's voice had long since faded into the distance, not that Ed cared. Roy was just Colonel Bastard, not his… no, not that.

Ed took off the ugly brown coat he had been wearing. He set it on the ground and kneeled beside it, preparing for it. Taking a few deep breaths, he concentrated. This was going to be his first step to getting back to himself, to being the Fullmetal Alchemist, to being Edward Elric.

He clapped his hands.

Pain. Ed cried out and fell back from the coat as though _it_ had attacked him. He no longer saw the forest that he was in, only the ceiling of the dungeon. He felt the cold metal chaining him to the iron table. His arm and leg, they hurt. They hurt so much, nerves fried beyond comprehension. Automail connecting once was painful, but how many times has it been now? Ten? Twelve? How could his nerves still send signals of pain to his brain? It hurt. All the while his captures jeered at him.

"Why don't you transmute something, Fullmetal?"

"Show us some alchemy, Fullmetal!"

"Is Fullmetal too tired to do alchemy? Maybe he just needs a reminder of what happens when he doesn't do alchemy!" Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Ed had lost his voice from screaming too much. Lost his will to fight from surviving too long. The only thing he wanted now was for the pain to stop, permanently.

No more.

No more.

No… more, please.

Arms wrapped around Ed from behind and he found himself being pulled into something warm. "Calm down, Ed. I'm here, It's okay, son." Ed was hyperventilating from the flashback. He turned and buried his head into Roy's chest. He cried not for his pain, present and past, but for his lack of strength. He needed this so badly, someone who cared and could take the control from him. Who was he kidding? He was done, finished. He could never be what he once was, the fire was gone. A group of people had cruelly taken all the fire in him, leaving a husk of his former glory. He wasn't the Fullmetal Alchemist. He wasn't even Edward Elric. He was Ed, just Ed.

"You're safe," Roy promised him. Ed wanted to believe Roy, to trust him. He didn't want to have to doubt everything around him. To see the world as something cruel and twisted, he wanted to stop. Just stop. He had that for a while, until he decided to try being an Alchemist again. Now he knew for certain that the life he once led is gone, forever.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Ed repeated over and over again. He wasn't apologizing to Roy necessarily, or to himself. It was an apology to the world.

"You have nothing to apologize for, my son," Roy said soothingly, his words like a healing balm. "There's absolutely no one who can blame you for feeling this way. We'll get through this together, Ed. I promise we will."

Ed believed him.


	8. Chapter 8

You know how when you first meet someone and they tell you their name but you don't really remember it? Then rather than ask for it again you just avoid using their name entirely? Yes? No? Well that's what Ed was doing after that day. He didn't know what to call Roy, and so he didn't call him anything at all. Roy hadn't called him son, so he didn't know if it was okay to call Roy dad again. Roy also hadn't called him Ed, so he didn't know if that was okay too.

It was stressful.

Ed wasn't even sure if he wanted to call Roy dad again, but he did want to know if it was okay to do so. It stressed him out thinking about it. Whenever they conversed there would be a pause where a name would normally go, they both saw it. They felt the awkwardness of it smothering them like a dense fog in the autumn. Sometimes Ed would open his mouth to say something but close it again, not wanting to take that risk, take that first step that they both knew they needed.

This problem of his only prevailed for a few more days before he began to get worried. Al still hadn't found his way to the cabin yet, and Ed didn't know where he could be. It was long past the deadline that Roy had established now. They made daily trips down to the village to ensure that Al wasn't wandering around looking for them. Roy told Ed to not worry about it but Ed knew that Roy was growing concerned too.

On the dawn of the seventh day after Al was supposed to arrive, Ed needed a distraction. He was going stir crazy and Roy wasn't helping him with being overly attentive. So it was that when Ed woke up he left the cabin, leaving a note behind so Roy wouldn't panic. He had gone out back once without telling Roy and nearly had the forest set aflame.

The birds had flown in from the south and were singing their morning songs. The sun was coming down and Ed felt the waves of calm wash over him. He started off into the forest, picking his way across rocks and tree roots. He realized that he had forgotten to take his shoes with him, but it was okay since the air was warm and the snow was gone from everywhere save a few permanently shaded areas. Stepping quicker Ed went deeper into the forest, looking at everything around. The trees were still bare of leaves, but the grass was a deep green despite having been buried under the snow, giving the woods a surreal effect.

Ed glanced up at the sky periodically, running his hand across the trunks of trees, and feeling the grass between his feet. Letting himself know that this was real, that he was here. He wasn't stuck in a prison and hallucinating all of this. Sometimes he did doubt whether he was actually here, especially late at night after having woken from a nightmare. Reminders were frequently needed, more than even Roy knew.

He stumbled over a root and fell to the ground. He grunted as he made a rough impact with the dirt, scraping his hands as he tried to catch himself from falling completely. He pushed himself back to his feet and dusted off his shoddy, but warm, clothing. If he was still the Fullmetal Alchemist, he wouldn't have made such a stupid move. Idiot.

 _Crack_.

His ears perked up at hearing the sound. His whole body tensed and he strained to hear another sound. Logic told him it was probably just an animal, a fox or something. Fear told him what he didn't want it to be, at all.

Sure enough another crack followed the first. Someone was in the woods with him. Ed jumped behind a tree, pressing his back to the trunk; thankful for his small form so he could hide easily. He peeked around the side but couldn't see anyone at all. How far was he from home? If he started running now would he be able to get there before the kidnappers did? Maybe it was better to climb a tree and wait for them to pass under him? He had to get to Roy though, if he didn't warn him that the kidnappers were here, he could get captured. Ed would never be able to forgive himself if they captured Roy while he was in hiding.

 _Crack_. It was getting closer now. Ed peeked around the side again, still not seeing anything. How were these kidnappers so good at hiding? Suddenly the cracking sounds grew in frequency as they came closer to him. Ed tensed even more, if that was possible, and waited for the inevitable. A fox leapt out of the underbrush, making him cry out in surprise. The creature paused, turning back to look at Ed briefly, before going back into the forest.

Ed laughed as he felt his heart rate slowly calm down. It was just an animal. He had been scared of a small fox, how preposterous. Ed felt tears rising to his eyes as his body began to shake. How much of a coward was he to be so afraid by an animal? Did he really need to be handheld all the time now? Weak. Pathetic.

Ed brushed his tears aside and began walking back to the cabin, his breathing still erratic. He'd get over it eventually; he knew he would. It was just right now all the wounds were still too fresh, that was all. It's been half a year since his capture, two months since his freedom. He still needed time, that was all.

A hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump out of his skin. Ed flinched violently back and turned around, expecting to see Roy's slightly pissed face.

It wasn't Roy.

It was Scar. The man who wanted to kill him because of his alchemy. Scar, his enemy. Who could easily snap him in two with his hands. Danger, Scar. Danger. Ed did the first thing he could think of, the first instinct that came to him.

He ran.

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Al watched his brother run away, not even hearing him call his name. Scar looked as surprised as Al felt. They hadn't actually been sure it had been him, not from the back anyway. Ed was far too small to be natural, his automail was different, and his hair hadn't been in a braid. When Al had first seen him, he thought Ed was just some small child from the village. It was Scar who made him realize that it was probably Ed they were seeing through the trees.

"He's a frightened one, now isn't he?" Scar mused as they watched Ed flee.

"Come on," Al said, making no move to hide the concern in his voice. Hawkeye beside them, patted Al on the arm in silent comfort. Not that Al felt it, of course.

They had indeed gotten lost of the way here, courtesy of Falman who didn't know his directions very well and had been in charge of the map. It had taken a few days to get themselves turned around, and even then they spent a good amount of time off the main roads so no one noticed them. Al and Scar had no choice but to bring team Mustang with them, Hawkeye wouldn't give them any other choice after all. Which meant they had to leave days later than Mustang and Al had agreed on, because the whole of team Mustang had to get clearance to come out this way. The chances of bringing home two of the best State Alchemists was too much to pass up, so clearance wasn't that hard; just time consuming.

They followed Ed through the forest, as best they could. Hawkeye kept her eyes on the ground, watching the tracks in the earth to point where Ed had gone. "Sorry I scared him away, Alphonse," Scar apologized as they followed Hawkeye. "I didn't think about how he would react."

"None of us could have known how he'd react," Havoc said. Al nodded in agreement, keeping commentary to the minimum. His entire mind was focused at how frightened Ed had looked. Never had he seen brother look like that before. It was heartbreaking to see it, and he was afraid of what else he'd have to see as they caught up to brother.

Ed was slow. Like really slow. They hadn't even walked that fast and already they saw the blond head bobbing between the trees as they tracked him. Al called out to Ed again but got no reaction. Why wasn't Ed hearing him? Was he just too afraid to hear him?

The group came to a clearing with a small cabin, the one Roy had mentioned. Surprise and shock plastered everyone's faces like paint on a canvas. Ed had ducked behind Roy and was holding onto the back of his shirt, peeking out from behind. Roy had some makeshift flame alchemy gloves on and was standing protectively over Ed, hand poised to snap.

The hand lowered though as recognition dawned on the raven haired man's face. "Alphonse?" Roy asked, looking over the party accompanying the boy. "I thought I told you to come alone."

"It's kind of hard to keep promises like that," Al responded.

Ed came out from behind Roy, but didn't let go of the man's shirt, just transferring his hold to the sleeve. "Al?" Ed asked and Al felt his heart break at how uncertain Ed sounded. Could Ed not recognize him anymore? What had happened to him, to turn him into this shell shocked child.

"It's me, Ed." Al confirmed. "Sorry we frightened you."

"S'okay." Ed's cheeks were a light pink.

Roy ruffled Ed's hair, smiling down at Ed. "Next time, don't leave without me," he admonished gently.

"Sorry, dad," Ed responded.

If Al's jaw could drop it would have. As it was everyone else in the group's jaw had in fact dropped opened, even Scar's. Ed's face became a deeper red as he placed a hand over his mouth, not meeting anyone's eyes. He took a step away from Roy only to be pulled back by the raven. Mustang glared at the group, a silent warning. _Don't say a thing_.

"Well," Roy said with a guarded air about him, his eyes narrow. "I guess we have a lot to talk about."


	9. Chapter 9

If someone asked Roy the atmosphere in the cabin, Roy wouldn't say it was awkward. He'd be lying of course. The silence that had stretched between the two groups had to have lasted for at least fifteen minutes or more. It especially hurt Roy that he thought of them as two separate groups. Weren't they all friends? Well… except for Scar of course. He got the feeling that no one except Alphonse really knew why Scar was there. Roy didn't want to ask. As long as he wasn't attacking Ed, Scar could be wherever he wanted.

Roy and Ed were sitting on the sole bed in the cabin. Hawkeye and Alphonse were on the couch. Scar was standing by the door and looked to be keeping guard, given how he looked out the window every few minutes. The others were seated on the floor by the couch, except Havoc who was asleep in the hammock. Ed was pressed against Roy's side, looking at their old friends as though they were strangers. It hurt Roy to see Ed so afraid of familiar faces. Though he couldn't deny his own anxieties about seeing them after so long, he was nowhere near the terrified levels that Ed was reaching. He had thought that Ed was recovering, at least a little. It seemed that wasn't the case though as Ed hadn't spoken a single word.

Roy kept one arm wrapped around Ed, silent comfort. Alphonse looked between them and even though his armor showed no emotion, Roy knew that he was upset at seeing how close the two of them had become. Roy couldn't blame the kid, but neither could he suddenly act like he and Ed weren't that close. Ed had called him dad again, something Roy had been waiting for. He hadn't wanted it to come out because of fear though, but there was nothing to be done about that now.

Hawkeye opened her mouth to speak, her eyes boring into him like her bullets could. "Sir-"

"I'm not a Colonel anymore, Riza," Roy said, using her name to prove such a fact. "We've been missing for six months. We're no longer counted as a part of the military."

Hawkeye frowned. "You were kidnapped not AWOL, only deserters are dishonorably discharged after six months." Roy said nothing in response, a testimony to the truth of the situation. They were in fact deserters, there was no getting around that fact.

"You two were recovering from something traumatic, you weren't deserting. There's no way the people back at HQ will know," Havoc spoke up. "We'll all cover for you and just make something up. So just come back to central and forget about this. Put the past behind you."

Neither Roy nor Ed really knew what they should be saying. They hadn't planned on having to deal with the team. Alphonse they could handle, but this? Not so easily. "It's not that simple…" Roy said, searching for a way to explain.

"Then explain it, please," Alphonse begged. Roy could only imagine how hard this was for Alphonse to deal with, considering his brother wasn't even looking at him. In the half year they've been gone Roy also felt Al was different, but he couldn't place how the boy was different. Not knowing what that difference was irked him.

Roy looked to Ed before speaking, who was looking back up at him. _Go ahead_ , Ed's eyes said. "We don't want to go back. To the military. We're both tired and decided that we were just going to… go away. Ed shouldn't have ever joined the military in the first place, I was wrong to have ever asked him to…" The guilt in Roy's voice was evident to everyone in the room.

Ed squeezed his arm, drawing his attention. "I chose to join. Not your fault. "

Roy smiled and ruffled Ed's hair. "Thanks, Ed." Ed gave him a small smile and nodded, seeming happy to have provided some help. "You all weren't there, in that… place. It was bad, very bad. I just don't think I-we can do much more. We're spent." Roy didn't want to have to go into a day by day account of what they did to them, to Ed. He didn't want to dredge those memories up more than needed, the memories that never should have existed.

Hawkeye sighed, looking as tired as Roy felt he was. "That doesn't really help us understand what's going on."

"You have to understand why we can't talk about it."

"Fair enough." Hawkeye stood and gestured for the others to follow her. She gave Roy and Ed a look of mixed disappointment and understanding. "I understand why you want this. I just can't believe of everything you, we've, been through; this is the thing that took you down."

Roy stood up so he could match Hawkeye's look with a glare. "That was before I had someone depending on me, lieutenant."

"You've always had someone depending on you. A whole team in fact, one that you just let down." Roy reeled back as though her words had slapped him across the face. His eyes searching her face, for what, he didn't know. On the bed still, Ed seemed to be retreating further into himself. Guilt in his eyes, heavier than a thousand tons.

"I think it's best you leave now," Roy said softly. Softly to keep from yelling. Yelling wasn't going to help Ed. It could send him into another panic attack, something that was really not needed right then and there.

"Don't worry," Hawkeye said. "We were already going." The rest of the team took their cue and began filing out, passing Alphonse and Scar who stayed rooted to their spots.

Al was standing, but not moving. He didn't need an expression to show how unsure he was feeling, the way he shifted between his feet was indication enough. He made for the door a couple of times only to stop before even taking a step.

"Alphonse," Scar said quietly, calling the boy's attention. "Come on. There's always tomorrow."

"But…. Brother…"

"We know he's here, and that he's safe. That's enough for one day, Alphonse. Know when to stop."

Al sighed but nodded, looking at Roy and Ed. "Can we come back tomorrow?" Al asked politely.

Roy gave a small smile; Alphonse was still the same even past these months. "Given Hawkeye's personality, I'm going to guess you'll be back whether we say yes or no."

"That's probably true," Al admitted. "Bye, Mr. Mustang. Bye brother, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Al," Ed responded quietly. Roy nodded to Scar and Al as they left, closing the door behind them; leaving the cottage in silence.

Roy sighed deeply sitting down on the bed again, feeling exhausted. "Are you okay, son?" Roy asked Ed as he checked over his kid.

"I need to be stronger," Ed said, pulling his knees up. "Al was here, and I completely freaked. I was freaked out the entire time they were here. I shouldn't be like this anymore, dad." Ed sighed and stared down at hands, as though they were the cause of his dilemma. "I… I thought I was getting better. I was doing okay around the village; I feel fine around you. But seeing them… I don't know, it just made me freak out."

Roy leaned back against the wall, pulling Ed to his side in a one-armed hug. "I think it's because around them you feel like you need to be the Fullmetal Alchemist again, and you place too much pressure on yourself. I think… I think even if we're not going back to Central we need to go somewhere to get you, get us, some help. We're both pretty messed up, son."

Ed chuckled bitterly. "Yeah, but I'm way more messed up than you. I haven't even see you have a problem since we got here."

"It's not that incident I'm talking about." Roy thought back to his war days. He hadn't talked to anyone about what he had done, what he had to do. Looking back at it now he saw how those choices, those actions, had fueled him for the coming years. He had never actually left the war when it ended. He had still been in the war when he met Ed and Al. He had still been at war when he shouted at Ed, and when the boy joined the military.

Was he still at war now? He didn't think he was, but then… he hadn't thought that back then either. Maybe the fear of battle was still driving his actions. In which case he needed to learn to get past it. He was out of the military now, he reminded himself. He had a son who needed him more than ever right now, and he had to be there for him.

"We'll get through this," Roy promised Ed with a reassuring smile. "We always do."

Ed nodded and seemed convinced but not all his troubles had cleared from his face. "Will we need to run away?" he asked.

"From Hawkeye and the others you mean?" Roy asked. Ed nodded and looked a little sheepish about having suggested they run away. Roy gave it some serious thoughts. Honestly he didn't know for sure what he was going to do. Hawkeye wasn't going to easily let them go, with or without Alphonse. She was going to try everything to get them back to Central, because that's what she thought was the right thing to do.

There was a good chance he could persuade her not to chase them, to let them go. It wouldn't be easy but given their history, he could do it. Especially if she spent a few days around them and saw just how far Ed had fallen from the Fullmetal Alchemist. Then the rest of the team would follow her choice, he knew they would.

Then there was the surprising element of Scar added to the mix. He didn't know why the man was here, but he seemed to be with Alphonse. Roy didn't think the man presented much of a threat, just a component to keep an eye on.

The biggest issue was going to be Alphonse, who reminded Ed that he was older. Ed couldn't be separated from his brother; Roy wouldn't dream of it. Neither could his son go on like he had before. The big brother always looking after Alphonse and trying to raise him though he was barely older.

Roy needed to talk to Alphonse without Ed around. He needed to make sure the boy understood that Ed wasn't the same as he had been before, that Ed was different. They both were different. "I'm thinking that tomorrow we will meet them up here again," Roy told Ed. "Whatever hesitations you are having I'm sure will be going away if we just meet them more and more. You think you can handle that?"

"Yeah…" Ed still had a slight waver to his voice.

"If it becomes too much then just tell me and we'll get away, okay? I don't want you doing too much if it hurts, Ed."

"Okay… Thanks dad."


	10. Chapter 10

"I can't use alchemy," Ed admits to the room, and to himself. He was hunched in a ball on the bed, looking at Roy's back as he stoked the fire.

"I guessed as much," Roy said with a small huff. He straightened from his task. He joined Ed on the bed, a hand coming to rest on the top of Ed's head. "Can't say I blame you for it."

Ed shuddered, absently leaning into the comforting touch. "I just start thinking about that place again. It's like I'm there and those guys are trying to get me to transmute things." His real hand goes to his other shoulder. His fingers danced across the space where metal fused with skin. "I can feel the nerves disconnecting, and reconnecting. Over, and over, and over."

Roy pulled him into a hug, also moving Ed's hand away from the shoulder. "I know," Roy said. "I'm sorry, Ed. You should never have had to go through that." He makes a couple vague shushing sounds when Ed sniffled. Roy picked up a blanket laying forgotten on the mattress. He used his free arm to wrap it around his son's shoulders, hoping the weight of the item would ground Ed to the present. "I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault," Ed sniffled, his hands curling into the blanket, drawing it closer. They sat in silence for several minutes. Neither feeling like moving, neither feeling like speaking. The fire crackled in the small cabin, providing them with light and warmth. Outside night had fallen and they could faintly hear crickets chirping. Roy felt Ed shifting under his arm, pressing closer.

Roy wished he could find some magic words to help the small blond. Something that took all his pain away, or at least made his nights less stressful. For the life of him, the raven's head came up blank. There was nothing he could say to make Ed feel better. With that realization, a wave of helplessness washed over him. He really was useless, in or out of rain. He was incapable of protecting, healing, or leading. He wasn't a good Colonel, nor was he a good… father?

"What if I can't use alchemy again?" Ed asked, so softly it might as well have been a whisper. His quiet words might as well have been a shout for Roy because of how they pulled him out of the depths of his mind. Bringing him back to the present.

"Then you can't use alchemy again," Roy said simply.

Ed looked up at him, horrified. Roy wished he didn't have to have that expression directed at him. It was too much like the expression Ed had given their captors. "What do you mean?" Ed demanded, his voice rising a couple notches in volume. "Alchemy is all I have. If I can't transmute, then what good am I? It's not like I have skills in anything other than alchemy." He tugged on the end of his hair in frustration. Roy was quick to put a stop to that behavior. "What if we have to go back to central and be state alchemists? How can I be a state alchemist without alchemy? How can I help Al get his body back?"

"Ed," Roy said gently, but firmly, "Breathe."

Ed breathed.

"We'll figure it out," Roy said, pressing both of Ed's hands between his own. It made Roy aware of just how much smaller Ed's hands were. The hands of a child, not an alchemist. Someone who never should have been…there. "If you can't use alchemy again, we'll make it work. We're not going to go back to the military, Ed. We're going to be fine. We can still help your brother even without you using alchemy."

"But I'm use-"

"-Ful," Roy finished. "You're very useful, even without alchemy. You're smart, Ed. You're a genius. You could do anything you wanted to, okay?"

Ed obviously didn't believe him, if his eyes were anything to go by. However, the kid nodded, burying himself into Roy's chest, arms wrapping in a vice like grip. Roy hugged him back, glad he could at least comfort the kid. His kid. "It's going to be okay?" Ed asked, sounding uncertain and scared. A child who didn't know better.

"It'll be okay," Roy promised. "If not now, then later. But it'll be okay."

"They won't make us go back to the military?"

"If Hawkeye or the others try anything, we'll run," Roy promised. "Slightest hint of danger, and I'm getting us out of here. Even if we have to walk four hundred miles and sleep in weird cabins." Ed chuckled at that. "I'll protect you." Roy emphasized the last one with a squeeze before finally releasing Ed.

Ed sat back and gave Roy a watery smile. He looked like he might start the waterworks at any moment, but it was better than it was. "Thank you," Ed said.

Roy ruffled his hair. "Any time, kiddo." Roy stretched his arms above his head, making an overly exhausted sounding groan. "We better get some sleep, Ed. We've got a big day tomorrow by the looks of it."

Ed nodded and looked nervously towards the hammock. "Can I sleep here?" he asked.

"You don't even have to ask," Roy said, putting the fire out for the evening. "Nightmares still troubling you?"

"I go back every time I try to sleep," Ed confessed.

Roy wished he had a cure for nightmares. "Alright then. Guess I'm going to have to fight the nightmares off."

It was too dark to see but he guessed that Ed was pouting, scowling, or making some other displeased facial expression. "You can't fight nightmares," Ed argued. "They aren't real."

"Well you certainly get scared by something that isn't real," Roy teased. He pulled the covers back and laid down. Ed already beside him, against the wall. Roy always preferred sleeping closest to the door. It made it easier to get up if someone was to break in.

"Shut up," Ed said, punching Roy in the shoulder. Thankfully it wasn't his automail arm he was hitting with.

Roy chuckled. "Goodnight, son," he said softly.

"'Night, dad."

The group managed to find a hotel in the village that just barely had enough rooms for all of them. For a backwater, no real-name town, their hotel certainly was full. Falman checked them into rooms while the rest chose to sit in a bar-room. They took the circular booth in the back corner, and Havoc ordered a round. Hawkeye scolded him for the action with Alphonse present, but Al assured them he didn't mind. He had been around tougher crowds before.

Havoc received Al's beer.

When Falman joined them at the table, it was Hawkeye who spoke what they all were thinking. "They're not going to come back."

Al wanted to hit his head against the table in frustration. He would have to, if it wouldn't cause dents in the surface that he'd have to pay for with money he didn't have. He had initially left the cabin with just the feeling of relief. Glad that his brother and Mustang were both alive. Now that he's had time to think, he's aware of all the challenges ahead.

The rest of the group seemed well-aware of it too. "I know," Havoc said. "That's why I ordered the round. I can't be thinking of these things while sober."

"Did you see how thin they both were?" Fuery asked the rest. "It looked like they both hadn't eaten in months."

"They probably haven't," Scar said.

They drank.

The main floor of the inn was closing-down for the night. The innkeeper polishing off the last of the glasses that weren't being used. The few customers who had been in here, besides their group, were slowly trickling out and going to their rooms, or home for the night. Al watched a young couple leave the building, holding hands as they braced against the mildly chill night. Even though it must be close it summer, it was still cold in this region, Al noted. Without his body he could never be aware of things like temperature. He'd usually just ask Ed what it felt like if he was curious. But since Ed was gone, Al had learned how to watch other people to get the information he was missing from his absent senses.

"I mean…" Breda started after a long drink followed by banging his glass on the counter. "We can't just leave them here… right?" Everyone made a sound that added up to 'no.' "So how do we get them to come home?"

"They won't just go back," Al said, drawing all eyes to him. "They're different. I don't know much about the Colonel. But brother, he'd never acted like he did today. Not when we were kids, not when mom died. Not even after we tried to bring her back. Brother was always the stronger one between us. He always forced himself to be. Whatever happened to them. It broke something in brother." Al felt like this would be an appropriate time to shudder, as it was his armor rattled slightly. "I don't ever want to see brother like that again."

"Mustang is different too, Alphonse," Hawkeye said needlessly. "I've never seen him on the defensive like that. It was almost like he expected us to attack them. More accurately, to attack Ed."

They all sighed, some taking another drink. Some choosing not to. "We could just force them back," Scar suggested, unhelpfully.

"And get burned to a crisp trying," Havoc said.

"What we need is to get them out of the military," Falman said. At the table's silence he added. "What? Roy did say they were done with that. If we can guarantee that they don't have to serve; then they'll come home."

"Mustang couldn't have been serious about that," Fuery said with a weak chuckle

"I'm fairly certain that was the most serious I've ever seen him," Hawkeye deadpanned. She pushed her half empty glass away, looking bored even though everyone knew she was far from it.

"So how do we get them out while making sure that they don't become enemies of the country?" Al asked, with hands clasped on the table before him like he was in some business meeting.

"The only real ways of leaving are retirement, which neither of them can do," Breda said, listing off on his fingers. "Dishonorable discharge. Which is possible but won't really act as incentive for them to return to central. Death, and the faking of it, which won't help."

"What about honorable discharge?" Al asked.

Breda pursed his lips. "It's essentially like retirement. They'd both receive money for their time spent. With Roy it'd be enough to live comfortably for quite some time. But I don't know how we'd arrange that. King Bradley would have to arrange that if anything. It's reserved for those who are incapable of physically serving anymore. And with auto mail on the market, reaching that level is kind of hard."

"I think the last time someone was honorably discharged was after the Ish…the war. A man's lungs were so badly damaged that he couldn't breathe without oxygen support," Fuery informed.

Hawkeye isn't one to show emotions too openly, or too often. So, the only sign Al had that a thought had occurred to her was the way her shoulders straightened a tiny fraction. "What is it?" he asked.

"I need to make a phone call," Hawkeye said, sliding out of the booth as she was on one end already. "I may know a way to get them discharged."

She left before anyone could think of something to say. "I hope she meant honorably," Havoc grumbled, as he took the remaining half of her drink.

It was later when Al and Scar had settled in their room for the night that Hawkeye finally revealed her phone call's results. The knock was sudden. Right before Scar was about to turn the lights out for the night so he could get some sleep. Al already had a candle and book prepared for the night.

Scar, closest to the door, opened it.

"We're good to go," Hawkeye said without preamble.

"You got them discharged?" Al asked excitedly, standing up from the bed.

Hawkeye nodded, looking more alive than she had since Mustang had disappeared. "I called, Hughes who managed to pull some strings. King Bradley will put the order in tomorrow."

"Wow," Al said, thoroughly impressed. "I can't imagine what kind of strings Mr. Hughes had to pull, but I'm glad he did. With this, brother and Mr. Mustang will surely come back home!"

Hawkeye nodded. "I'm going to tell the others and turn in for the night. Have a good night, Alphonse, Scar." The latter shut the door and gave a half smirk to Alphonse. It was the closest he's ever seen to a smile from the man.

"Told you it'd work out," he said.

"Can't blame me for being worried," Al answered. Inside, he was grinning.


	11. Chapter 11

Roy and Ed met the others at the only café/restaurant that the town has. Roy had called the hotel late last night. Leaving a message with the innkeeper to inform Alphonse as to where to meet for the day. They planned to get an early start and be the first ones there. However, Ed had another nightmare that had kept them up for the better part of the night. It led to them sleeping past when they had meant to get up. Which then lead to a mad scramble to change their sorry attire and get out the door before Alphonse and the others began to wonder.

"I'm sorry," Ed said, not for the first time. "I didn't mean to keep you up."

"It's okay, Ed," Roy said. Not for the first time. "I understand." Roy was about half a step ahead of Ed. He felt his pseudo-son grab his sleeve as they got closer to town. The blond did this every time the pair approached anywhere close to civilization. Roy wished he would relax a bit; but understood why he couldn't. The sounds of the town rose and surrounded them, like a blanket wrapping around one's shoulders. And as suffocating as said blanket being wrapped too tight. Roy shuddered. For all that he wanted Ed to relax, he wished he could as well. He resisted the urge to don his gloves, to prepare to fight. There was no danger, just people.

But people were danger.

"They aren't here yet," Ed observed. Roy looked down to see Ed pointing to the still empty café. Roy was glad to know they hadn't kept the others waiting. Maybe the innkeeper hadn't delivered the message. Maybe they were still sleeping, despite the sun's height in the sky. He couldn't imagine that they, minus Alphonse, weren't exhausted from their travels. He still wasn't entirely sure how far out from Central they were, but he assumed it was far enough to drain anyone.

To Ed he said, "We better grab a table to wait then." Ed, surprisingly, bounded forward to pick a table. It was by the rails that surrounded the patio, near the box flowers. Roy smiled. Ed was overly fond of flowers. He frequently picked them when he and Roy went exploring in the woods. They'd die the next day. But for that one day, the kid was happy. Or as close to it as Roy had seen.

A waitress came over quickly. Both Roy and Ed knew her and gave small greetings.

"What can I get you two?" she asked, pulling out a notepad and pen. "Maybe the house special? I can cut you a deal." She tried this both previous times that the pair had eaten here. The house special, as far as Roy understood it, was a large platter of almost everything else on the menu. She always tried to get them to buy it because they were 'nothing more than skin and bone.' He refused each time.

"Sweet tea and pancakes for me," Roy said.

"Lemonade, and chocolate chip pancakes?" Ed asked.

"Ed…" Roy said warningly. Ed hunched his shoulders, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ed," Roy rebuked.

Ed sighed. "Glass of milk," he added, making it sound like a pain.

The waitress chuckled. "I'll get y'all your orders in," she promised. She cast a glance at the remaining empty seats. "Y'all waiting for some others?" she asked.

"Yes, actually," Roy said. "We had some friends roll into town recently. We haven't seen them in quite some time." The waitress continued to speak with Roy for a few minutes. She was overly curious about who their 'friends' were. In a town where things rarely happened, it wasn't surprising for the locals to be curious. Ed took the time to braid a small strand of hair. He let it hand for a couple minutes before he got bored and undid it. He had just started re-braiding it again when the waitress slid a blank sheet of paper and a pen towards him. He looked up at her in vague confusion.

"Draw something," she prompted with a smile. "That's what I always did when I was a kid at a restaurant."

Ed pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowing. "I can't draw though," he said, lifting his automail arm as proof.

"Well I can see your problem," she said, smile never dropping from her face. "That doesn't mean you shouldn't try though. I broke my wrist at one point, couldn't write anything. Taught myself to write with my left hand," she waved her fingers to emphasize. "It wasn't easy. But now I can use both my hands to write. Even if it felt impossible while learning to do so."

Hesitantly, Ed picked up the pen in his left hand. His grip on it was shaky, but he was holding it. He gave the woman a small smile and a nod of thanks. She left them be and Roy watched Ed carefully draw a few circles. He noted that they weren't transmutation circles, but just the loops that kids made when they were bored. The lines wobbled horribly, and they really couldn't be called circles at all.

Ed let out a frustrated sigh after the twelfth 'circle'. "I wasn't really good at drawing when I didn't have automail," Ed confessed. Roy perked up a bit, listening. It wasn't often that Ed spoke about any time 'before' he and his brother tried to resurrect their mom. Roy wasn't one to ask questions, but he was curious. "When Al and I first started learning alchemy, I'd always make him draw the circles."

"Oh?" Roy said. "And what did you do?"

Ed smacked Roy on the shoulder lightly, hearing the teasing tone in the elder's voice. "I wasn't napping, if that's what you were thinking. I was the one who did the reading. Al loved to read, but he could never remember what he had read that long." Ed looked down at the piece of paper. Five more circles had been added since the start of their conversation. "Now Al remembers everything he reads, says, and does. It was kind of unnerving at first. Later it was the best thing ever. Al did a ton of reading at night since he can't sleep." Ed chuckled ruefully. "He actually corrected me more often than not on alchemy."

"Speaking of Alphonse," Roy said. Ed looked up and turned to where Roy was looking. Sure enough, Alphonse and the rest had arrived. A quick head count showed Hawkeye to be missing still. Ed pursed his lips, wondering where she was. Maybe after yesterday she hadn't been comfortable with showing up? He glanced back to Roy to see a furrow of his eyebrows, his thoughts probably on the same line as Ed's.

"Hey, Ed. Mr. Mustang," Alphonse said cheerfully. "Sorry we're late. Havoc wouldn't get out of bed."

"It's called a hangover, Alphonse. You should never pull someone out of a bed who has one." Havoc slumped in a seat to Roy's left, his head hitting the table with a soft _thunk_. "Especially me."

If Al could roll his eyes, Ed thought he'd be doing so right now. "Sure thing, Havoc," Al said. His brother took the seat to Ed's right, pushing his chair close to Ed's. The blond didn't mind the move, though he did look to Al nervously. This was his brother, Ed tried to reassure himself. His brother would never hurt him. He knew this. Yet he couldn't help the slight tensing of his shoulders. It was closest a person had been to him, who wasn't Roy, in a while. Thankfully, Al hadn't noticed the instinctive motion. Too busy paying attention to the others. Roy had noticed though and set a hand on his son's shoulder. Ed looked up and flushed a little in embarrassment. Roy gave a gentle squeeze before releasing his grip.

"What are you writing, brother?" Alphonse asked curiously.

Ed felt his flush deepen as he quickly crumbled up the piece of paper. Pocketing it, he said, "It's nothing."

Al shrugged a metal shoulder, accepting the answer.

"Where's Hawkeye?" Ed asked, the rest of the table going silent at the question. Maybe they hadn't been talking in the first place. Whatever the case, he just became hyper-aware of people staring at him.

"She's waiting on a phone call," Al said. "So, she'll catch up with us later."

"We were going to leave Havoc," Breda said. "But we didn't think he was going to answer the damn phone if it ever rang. He'd probably have just gone back to bed."

"You are absolutely right," Havoc added helpfully. "Now do we have anything to help with hangovers?"

A glass of water was placed in front of Havoc by the waitress, having returned with Roy and Ed's meals as well. "Anyone else want anything?" She asked after giving the pair their food. Some of the other placed orders. Mostly coffee. Roy hadn't had the beverage in months. It was too expensive to get another caffeine addiction. Ed probably would like coffee.

"We want you to come back to Central," Al said twenty minutes later, being the only person not eating. For obvious reasons. "We don't want you to run somewhere else."

Roy quirked an eyebrow. "And what if we didn't want to return to Central? The military will be waiting for us with open arms. And as we established yesterday, we have no intention of going back to fighting."

"But didn't you want to rise through the ranks?" Havoc protested. "I thought that was your goal. To surpass everyone else."

"Havoc," Fuery pleaded.

"Things have changed," Roy said with a touch of ice in his voice. "That tends to happen when you've been a POW."

"But you had to have been through worse than this," Havoc went on.

"That's not your place to say," Roy countered. "None of you here have been through what we've been through. You can't just come here and start ordering me around like that. Now, if this was all you wanted to discuss; then we're done here."

"No, wait. That's not it," Alphonse said hurriedly. Roy and Ed sank back down into their seats, having half-risen from them at the end of Roy's statement. "We're not here to talk you into going back to the military. We just want you guys to come back home."

"That's not as easy as you make it sound, Alphonse," Roy said. "We're enemies of the state. We're deserters."

Alphonse held up his hands, his mind reeling back to yesterday. He wasn't about to fall into this sink hole of a conversation again. "Please just give us a chance, Mr. Mustang. We're working on getting you two to Central without having to get arrested or go back to the military. Besides," Al reasoned on impulse. "If it comes to it, we can just hide you two in Resembool for a while. Granny and Winry will be able to hide you."

"Or Ed could hide out there while Roy returns to Central to properly withdraw from the military," Breda added. "I mean. You have served a full term and after what happened, no one would blame you for withdrawing. Even if we don't know the full details." He said the last part with a touch more aggression than he had the previous sentences.

Ed slammed the table with his automail hand on the table, rattling the silverware, plates, and everyone seated at it. "Where Roy goes, I go," he said simply. Simply and a tad desperately.

Roy grabbed Ed's shoulder, as if to hold him down, or just to give comfort. "It's okay, Ed. I'm not going anywhere. We're not going to be separated." Ed grabbed the end Of Roy's shirt, looking almost scared that someone would take him away. Al felt a pang of emotion. He didn't know what the feeling was, but it wasn't good. He was sad for Ed to be so easily made afraid. He was also sad that Ed sought comfort from Mustang of all people as opposed to Al. Was he not enough for his brother?

Al shook it off as best he could. After all, he hadn't been with brother over the past few months. And it was obvious that something bad had happened to him. It made sense that Ed would want Roy. But… Al thought of his brother calling Mustang 'dad'; and it hurt. He could logically see why Ed would do that, and why he would want to say that again. Emotionally though, Alphonse felt like Ed was trying to cut away his old life. Cut away Alphonse.

Breda held up his hands, receiving glares from most everyone at the table. "Sorry," he said sincerely. "I didn't know I'd set the kid off like that."

"It's fine," Mustang sighed, rubbing Ed's back soothingly. "Lets all just avoid plans that involve Ed and I going to separate destinations."

"Does this mean you will go back to Central with us?" Falman asked, keying into Roy's phrasing of the last sentence.

"If there's a way then I don't see why not," Roy admitted. He looked to Ed, as though looking for permission. Ed gave a small nod and smile before Roy continued. "I think it'd be easier if we were back in familiar territory. Not under the watch of the military, or as fugitives."

"That can be arranged," Hawkeye said, joining the group at the table. She smiled, bags under her eyes attesting to a night spent without sleep. "I just got off the phone with Maes. It's been arranged that King Bradley honorably discharged you and Ed from service. It's in light of the hardships the two of you have faced. Roy, you were already at the end of your mandatory service, so you were fine to retire anyways. Ed, you never should have been allowed to be a state alchemist. In light of that you received payment for your retirements and that's the end of it." She shrugged her shoulders and stole Havoc's coffee mug. She downed the rest of it in one monstrous gulp, ignoring Havoc's protest.

Roy stared, his mind frozen. Was that really going to be the end of it? Had it been that easy all along? No. It couldn't have been done, just like that. "But… There's no way that we'd have been let go just like that. I mean, your reasoning is correct but what would ever make them just let us go like that?"

"Bradly may, or may not, have been aware of a certain someone's plan to rise through the ranks. Having one less talented alchemist after his position is a great boon." Hawkeye looked to Ed. "Even if it means losing some of his most talented people."

Ed looked away from Riza, rubbing his arm in discomfort. He didn't want the reminder of what he couldn't do. Not that Hawkeye had meant to bring that to the forefront of his mind. She couldn't have been trying to be that cruel. If anything, the blond meant it as a compliment to him. Right now, all he felt was pain about it.

Roy ran a hand through his head, leaning back in his chair. "I… I really don't know what to say. Thank you, Hawkeye."

She inclined her head. "There are people who miss you two and would have you back home, no matter the changes that need to be made to make that happen." There was a chorus of agreement from the others gathered at the table.

Roy thought about it. Going back to Central wasn't going to be that easy. For one thing they'd probably face a lot of hate from the military for leaving, honorable discharge or not. However, at Central Roy had a house. A house that could easily house Ed; and would allow for Roy to better provide for him than some cabin they broke into. Plus, the money from the discharge would keep them sitting comfortably for some time, as opposed to living on the road.

Would it truly be better for them to return to Central?

Yes. It would be.

"Ed?" the blond turned to look at Roy. "You want to go back to Central?"

The youth wasn't sure he wanted to return to Central. Returning meant acknowledging how different he was since he had left. All the things that had changed in him. All the things he now lacked. His strength, abilities, and will power. He couldn't just say no though. Everyone else wanted to return, even Roy did. What could he say? No?

Besides, he needed to at least be somewhere Al could find him. He didn't want to make his brother worry. He wanted to still help Al too, in any way he could. Even if it meant learning to use alchemy again. And the best place to do that was Central.

But still…

A hand gripped Ed's under the table. Roy's hand. Roy gave his own a squeeze before releasing. It was a silent promise. One to not leave, one that Ed doesn't have to worry. It was a promise that things were going to be okay, so Ed could relax.

Ed smiled, the butterflies in his stomach settling. "Yeah. Let's go home."


End file.
